Chapter 1
Perspective is a peculiar
thing.
What we see is often relative to where we are; moreover where we have
been.
The
measure of how we view ourselves and others, I find, is very much a result of
how our past effects our vision.
Through
recent self-imposed sobriety and solitude, I have been able to look upon my
outward self from a different vantage point and see something new. Not only did
I witness myself in a willful regression to emotional immaturity, but also a
negligent spiral of self-destruction.
My
"Thinking Mind" (as Tolle refers to it) can easily [logically]
explain my "fit throwing". My
bad behavior was my inner brat claiming her moment of tantrum. I was weary of
responsibility and care taking without reward or recognition.
Constant consummate 'Good Girl' always trying to make the right choices,
be the bigger woman, sacrifice for others, and put "the greater good of
the whole" before myself, in the end only to lose the kingdom and the
prince, and everything along with it. Who wrote this fucking fairy tale
anyway?
Dismayed, I assumed an
attitude of entitlement to something I'd never truly done in life - behave
badly ... on purpose. Good Girls ask permission, Bad Girls ask for forgiveness;
or so we are told. Enter Ekart Tolle.
My bad behavior was short lived.
And even though I am (and will
always be) childish in nature, a goofball at heart, and extremely playful;
immaturity was a too tight sweater in too hot weather: wrong size - wrong
season.
* * *
I'd heard of 'The Power of Now'
often, and it's been sitting on my "To Read" list for quite some
time. Having to endure the Houston Commute to and from on a daily, I wanted to
be sure I was making good use of otherwise squandered time. Hello Audio Books!
Truthfully, Tolle's voice is monotone and lulling. At first it was a struggle to stay awake in traffic. I found my mind wandering to ADHD'esque minutia. Yet, as I began to intently listen to the message I realized that focusing my far too busy mind on a task as simple as listening to this audio book was a step closer towards the primary goal of the book itself which is to clear the mind and be present in the now.
Much of the concepts outlined in
chapter 1 were all familiar. I fully connected with one in particular: The Pain
Body & The Ego.
Tolle discusses The Pain Body,
and our relationship to it. How we self-identify with our past pain, allowing
our triumph over it to define who we believe
we are. From what I understood, this creates connectivity of The Pain Body to
The Ego.
The question was then presented: If you identify yourself by your past or the pain you have suffered, are you willing to let that go? Do you fear you will lose your identity if you don't have this triumph to claim for your own?
Without the past, or projection of the future who are you NOW?
If I identify myself as the sum
of my experiences, am I then only a perpetual projection of all that has happen
to me?
As an artist and a writer I have
always transmuted my pain through art, thus my identity as an artist is very
much connected to my pain.
Without it ... what then?
Do I unnecessarily hold
on to pain because my ego counts it as my identity?
My recent "bratty behavior" lead me to this present path, so I do suppose all things serve their purpose.
I am consciously AND subconsciously clearing, for what I don't know.
I am consciously AND subconsciously clearing, for what I don't know.
As I journey through "The Power of Now" I plan to blog.
My mind is often a constant buzzing of incessant thought. Writing quiets the hive, and brings order to such things. The concept of the book seems an undertaking, and so I hope to digest it the only way I know how -
one bite at a time.
I welcome any comments, thoughts, musing, or critiques (especially if you have read it before)
Thank you for helping make some honey. <3
