I began writing to someone this morning, and trashed the letter because I realized I was writing more for what needed to be said rather than whom I was saying it to.
Spending a great deal of time alone has allowed me to learn to save my energy.
Which I find both empowering and sad all in the same sentence.
Whereas once, I would shout my thoughts at the top of my lungs to anyone who would listen. I used to believe in these great epiphanies. I thought they would help change me, and I loved others so much I thought voicing them would help others be changed.
I've come to a quiet place of accepting that what I once thought were epiphanies - were merely moments of "ah-ha" from the place I was standing.
Once I chose to move forward, my perspective changed. What I thought to be brick, quickly turned paper when turned to it's side.
So I choose to stand still.
* * *
"Seasons Change. People Change." ~ Expose
We have our PERSPECTIVE of them.
We assess our position and tell our "side of the story".
That story is retold to whom ever will listen.
We retell it enough that, in our mind, it becomes the "history" of the event.
That history becomes concrete, and it lays foundations.
Just imagine ...
what if what became concrete, was left fluid?
If you stood from the perspective you are at now, opposed to when events occurred, would the historical events in the story of your life be told differently?
If we are SO determined to retell the narrative as we wrote it, we allow no room for new perspectives to turn it to it's side and show us a different angle.
* * *
I have told my story to myself.
I have told my story to others.
I have had others tell stories about me.
Are these stories true?
Perhaps they are EACH told from the vantage point of the storyteller from where they stood at that moment in time.
I have spent much time believing that the betrayal and pain I have suffered was intentionally inflicted.
I allowed that pain to shape my beliefs.
Those beliefs shaped my choices.
The choices have charted the course of my life.
My question is; if I had a higher perspective would I choose a different path?
* * *
"Be like water" ~ Bruce Lee
I sat across from my friend and listen to him spin his story [HISTORY].
It was a retelling of events which I had heard many times before, in the exact same order, with the exact same words.
It accounted for how he felt, about others AND himself.
It accounted for his actions leading up to, and after.
What it didn't account for ... was vantage.
When we are so concrete, we allow no room for growth.
If we only take ONE PATH to a destination time and again ...
we allow no space for a new perspective.
I wanted to say these things, but I could see it would do me no good.
I tried to suggest a new path to the events of the past, but my water could not penetrate concrete.
And although water is powerful, like energy, it follows the path of least resistance.
I choose to reserve;
a reservoir unto myself ... that I may one day pool enough to clearly see my own refection
from a higher perspective.