It has been proven that the mind can over power the body.
"Mind over matter" is not just a cliche. It rings true in life. When the body tires, heart and soul can motivate the mind to push the body forward.
It's quite amazing actually.
In my life I believe my mind has allowed my body to accomplish some amazing feats. But at what point does the body say "No. that's enough." ?
I'd often challenged my work ethic by holding it up against great people. High standards of what is humanly possible. Pyramids have been built, railroads, coliseums, even this very nation. My mistake; I held up dedication without emancipation to a standard of greatness beheld only by slaves.
The answer was yes.
The mind acquiesced, and the body began to quit.
Yet with failing health, and dwindling wealth I forged forward with an ultimate goal in mind.
But Sometimes -
the light at the end of the tunnel is a fucking train.
I think I need to derail. Reevaluate. Where am I going? Where have I been?
I feel I am a feather carried by the wind of my own ambition -
I've floated the distance / in the same direction / without query or question / except that
acceptance that FORWARD was progress.
I stopped an / saw that -
if you're longer content.
I accomplished so much more than I ever set out to. I just couldn't understand why it didn't make me happy.
Those who know me well might say - insatiable; content is not an option.
To that, I would reluctantly agree.
Sadly, I started to think - if not for satisfaction, then is it all for not? Success for the sake of succeeding is self defeating when only accomplished to be applauded.
I've wanted / for so long, that I forgot what I was asking for.
. . .
In the midst of this - I managed to raise an amazingly focused and talented young man.
He amazes me.
I look at him daily and where I once asked "What have I done?" I now ask "What did I do to deserve something so wonderful? "
He is bright, and beautiful, and funny, and confident, and against ALL ODDS inexplicably well adjusted.
It must've / been an angel.
More likely two. Thank you mom & dad.
. . .
In the end ... what REALLY matters?
What good is all the hard work for a goal if in the end - you missed it all because your face was against the grind stone?
Birthdays and milestones, weddings and graduations, even my own relationships / are passing me by.
don't want look at myself or my son and say: "I missed it"
This isn't the last you'll hear of me.
I'm simply stepping out on faith and off the tracks to see what it is I really need. Where is it I want to be - and am I receiving all I deserve.
If you are living your life off course of your moral compass, find your true north.
If you are accepting less than you know you are worth, you are in agreement with it.
Find the courage to disagree.
And when the world creates a locomotive in a tunnel to envoke fear at your integrity ...
rebuke the world
and step off the tracks.