Survival of the Fit

"Because I'm better off alone."

The words sit in my mouth like marbles.
I crush down on each syllable
and spit out toothy truth into the bathroom sink.
When I am alone I don't think
of countless ways to please you, a litany of sweet nothings
that inevitably fade into just nothing ...
but unrequited actions
and being taken for granted.

When I am alone
I don't dare dream of the pools of your collar bone,
hollow depths|that
I could fill with my wetness
and pools
of sticky sweetness.
I'm not defeated
by the color twists in your iris
a kaleidoscope of "come hither"
that makes me wither into a pile of "yes."
... and an unfolded mess,
I'm better off by myself.

Where days are not filled with laundry lists of "How do I love Thee ... "
because I COULD count the ways
but math is not my strong suit so I would inevitably equate
each cross hatch to a game of spades
and get anxious when I dangerously approach 10 books.
I just get set
and You just gimme that look  ... like
"just go ahead and keep countin'"

I'm surrounded
by the brilliant light of beaming stars
when where ever I am is where ever you are
the shear magnitude of my smallness is amplified by the possibility of time and space,
without your face I am painfully awake
to the fact that the stars are JUST stars ... nothing more than dying light.
yes, I'm better off without you by my side

because even without the light of the sun, the moon will still orbit the earth
and the ocean would give birth
baring the shore the gift of her tide.

and even without day break
evolution would create / predator and prey / in a world worn nocturnal.
pupils adjusting to darkness
we compete over who can see farthest.

My teeth are sharpen
by the  meat of this alone
I suck marrow and break bone
using the sharp edge to scrape the last of you from beneath my finger nails.
I contemplate giving it one last taste,
and choose to simply leave it on the plate

Because I am beast
Because I am drum beat & broken rhyme
Because in your absence I am Lord of the Flies
in your presence I am Aphrodite ethereal, celestial ... deliciously divine

but  it's a cold world
and only the strong survive.
Sharp broken teeth, I stare in the mirror telling myself lies ...

"You are fine. You are better off alone."