32 & Counting

My intention was to take the morning to be alone with myself, and contimplate all that the year has been - and all that I hope the next year will be.

Instead I ended up on facebook.

So easily distracted
we fill our days with things that don't matter
in order to prevent our own greatness
and procrastinated - I've waited on myself for a very long time.

Dreams on pause... let me press rewind
so that I might remember who I wanted to be
before I became so damn busy.

So here I am blogging - because I know that writing is the only thing that keeps me linear.
Really, this is a letter to myself - as a proclaimation, because I know if I say it in a public forum I will hold myself accountable.
And isn't THAT something all it's own?
We always have so many goals, so many ideas, but only feel driven to accomplish that which we are held accountable to.

Well, at least I do.
I admit to myself that the truth of it is - if it's FOR ME... it'll get pushed to the side.
A back burner bride, I've
put myself last so many times.

Why are we built to believe that it is more nobel to fullfill everyone's need, and not your own?
Why do we bare the cross alone, and tell ourselves it's the only thing that makes us worthy? Hurting / and martyred for the cause of selfless service, purpose driven and givin' unto the status of a servant

... seeking only the thank you.
never recieving.

But God forbid we do for ourselves.
How dare you? Who said it was ok to do THAT?
What I want to know is this -
"When was it decided that when a woman cares for herself - it's called SELFISH?"

*siiigh* but I digress.
I'm getting away from myself here.

Here's what I will do this year -
start by USING all the salon / day spa / shopping gift certificates I've recieved for MYSELF instead of storing them away to give to others as gifts.
I will spend mornings with myself.
I will write again.
I will go to the gym because I want to be healthy and fit, not because society & pressures of the media ( which i work for ) has me convinced that the body god gave me isn't good enough, not because I am punishing myself for indulgence, but because I deserve it.
I will NOT let ANYONE make me feel guilty for taking the time to do this.

I will take the time to be healthy.
I'll go to the doctor/ dentist... and not feel guilty about the bill.
I will help my son understand that women are more than servants.
I will do this by saying no.
I will spend less time WORKING and more time with the people I love.

I will tell myself everyday that I am enough,

until I begin to believe it.

. . .
I guess I just needed to say it out loud.
thanks for listening, and thank you for all the birthday wishes.
I plan to make 32 a really great year.